Have you ever been deeply hurt ?

Have you ever experienced emotional trauma?

​Have you ever seen something that changed your earthly life forever?

Have you witnessed or experienced intense sexual pain?​

I ask you these questions because these experiences will show up in the bedroom.
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For years I completely numbed myself from feeling pleasure.  The first few years of my life were the scariest years of my life. My mother, who I love and forgive, was married to an abusive alcoholic. There was constant fighting and intense physical abuse in our home. These are the years that we discover our sense of self. What I discovered in these moments forever changed my life.

​I am now 39 and some of these emotions still arise. If the first man in our life was a man that completely terrified us then it is really hard to allow ourselves to be vulnerable with any man. We can be kind of vulnerable but we never will fully allow our guard to be released until we allow ourselves to trust again.

​Here are 3 steps we can take to break down the guarded gate and start receiving the pleasure we deserve.

1. ALLOW YOURSELF EMOTIONAL SPACE TO EXPRESS EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.  We get taught that certain emotions are good and accepted and then there are certain emotions that are absolutely horrific and should not be expressed...ever. We get to give ourselves room to feel all the spectrum of emotions and trust that every emotion is completely safe and has a purpose. Anger, sadness, shame, guilt, hatred, just to name a few,  all deserve to be felt. Happiness, excitement, courage, faith and love, just to name a few,  all deserve to be felt as well. When we don't allow certain emotions to be part of our experience we block out the good feeling emotion that counters it. When we do this , we become numb. Decide today to express your emotions and feelings. Write them down on paper, share them with your spouse, find an emotional energy healer , or just talk to yourself. When we allow ourselves to let our guard down and start loving every part of who we are then we can show up in an authentic place.
2. FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF. Take some time and fall back in love with who you are as a person. It is so easy to become focused on the things we do not like about ourselves. What we think about we bring about, so think positive and beautiful thoughts about yourself. I am not saying that you have to be cocky. I am saying that you must learn to love yourself. When we work on loving our physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and sexual self we become more enlightened and in touch with who we truly are in this beautiful world. When we work on loving every part of ourselves then we can show up powerfully in the bedroom and receive amazing pleasure as our focus will be on all the things we love and cherish. Take time every morning to speak powerful statements to your soul. Look yourself in the eyes and start building yourself up.
   
3. THINK POSITIVE WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR SEXUAL SELF. We are all sexual beings. We long to be able to express our sexual wants and desires. We all crave sexual pleasure and sexual satisfaction. Allow yourself to start thinking about sex in a positive and beautiful way. It is easy to fall into the trap of what sex is and what sex is not. Just google Sex after marriage and look what you find. The search is filled with negative statements and negative articles. We have been conditioned to believe that sex after marriage diminishes and is never as good as it once was. I completely disagree. Sex after marriage is absolutely amazing and can be completely mind blowing. Sex can be full of love, passion, energy and flavor. This can be achieved. It starts with monitoring our thoughts about sex. We must be thinking happy and positive thoughts. We require a sex positive outlook when it comes to the bedroom. Start today to create some fun affirmations and allow yourself to start thinking and fantasizing about the amazing sex life you are creating.
   

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​Sex in marriage is what you make of it. You can choose to shut down and close shop or you can choose to feel through the pain and get to the pleasure. We must feel all our emotions so we can experience the pleasure that is our birthright. Start your journey today.
​Reach out to me as I love working with people on their healing journey.
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While I am looking at this picture I am reminded of the huge amount of tension I once held in my hips.
My hips were in a protective mode . A mode of safety and mistrust. A mode of insecurity and betrayal.  A mode of fear and feelings of being unlovable.
As women, our hips hold so much of our life story. Our hips hold the very energy of our sexual experiences.
If our life was carved out of emotions and those emotions are things like, abandonment, betrayal, shame, guilt, rejection and disgust ( just to name a few) then our hips will be tight.

Our hips will be unable to sway like the ocean and become something more like a trapped door.  We want them to release. We want them to open but the key is hidden deep within our soul and we may be afraid to open that door.

The woman's hips are absolutely amazing and can allow sexual energy to be freed. We must dedicate ourselves to loving our hips again. Loving the feminine essence of who we are as women. We get to decide to sway our hips. When we walk we should lead with the pelvis. When we lead with the pelvis this automatically allows the hips to become more flowing. Our hips can move mountains when it comes to connecting to our sexual self. Blocking the flow of sexual energy starts with the vulva, usually a numbing of , so we can not feel pain or pleasure. Then we immobilize the hips. This way we make sure our sexual energy is locked away safely where it will no longer cause us pain.

The thing is when we shut ourselves of from pain we also shut ourselves off from pleasure.  We can not pick and choose what feelings we would and would not like to feel. We get to decide to feel deep emotions , both beautiful l and painful. We get to release emotions that are trapped in the hips and awaken to the truth that we are absolutely amazing, sexual, feminine creatures.

Allow your hips to move.  Here are a few exercises you can do to release the tension.

1. Lay on your back and slowly bring one leg up, bending it at the knee, with the other one straight out and grasp your knee of the one coming up. Pull until you can feel resistance in the hip. Hold it there for 30 sec and then slowly release. Do this with the other leg. Alternating back and forth
   
2. Laying on your back , put your heels together and slowly pull your heels towards your hips, leaving the heels on the floor. You will be in a frog like position. Lay there for a few minutes and feel your hips release
   
3. Sway your hips back and forth as well as forward and back. Put on some fun music and allow your feminine sexual energy to be free. The hips are a beautiful thing and we deserve to reconnect to them.
   

Love your hips again. Free them from the old emotions that no longer are serving you.

Reach out to me for an emotion code session. This is an energy healing work that is absolutely amazing.

When it comes to sex it is all about our own personal sexual energy. We must take time and allow this energy to open up, expand and explore the depths of our sensual expression.  Many past experiences can really trap this sexual energy and when our sexual energy becomes trapped we start feeling depressed, guilty, shameful, alone and rejected. When our sexual energy becomes small and almost non existent, we become bitter and we will create problems inside our marriage as well as problems in every other relationship of our life. I am not saying that we have to be sexually expressing ourselves 24/7, but I am saying if we allow ourselves to shut off and shut down then we will feel the same thing happen in our outside world. We will become shut off and then we will shut down.

Here are 5 things that will assist all of us in embracing our sexual side.

1. Allow yourself time to heal and work through sexual blocks. Many of us, as young children, had our sexual expression shamed, which created huge amounts of guilt and sadness. We must all remember that healing takes time.
   
2. Shifting our sexual beliefs is a must if we want to be able to fully express ourselves inside our sensuality. If we are hardwired to past words and beliefs then we will be running on auto pilot. No one wants to run on auto pilot. We all want to have a keen awareness when it comes to our own sexual energy. If we are feeling a disconnect in the sexual expression of who we are , we must take the journey to shift these beliefs. For example, If we heard growing up, That girl is so slutty. Who would ever dress like that? She must be desperately seeking attention from men. Good girls don't do that. Now fast forward to this moment in time and we want to look super sexy for our husband. Surprise him with a candlelight dinner wearing an outfit that will make him stop dead in his tracks, when all of a sudden you hear this small voice in the back of your head. That girl is so slutty. Who would ever dress like that? She must be desperately seeking attention from men. Good girls don't wear things like this.  These are clearly old beliefs that deserve to be released. We should be able to have so much fun inside the bedroom and inside our marriage. Shifting these beliefs is key.
   
3. Focus on breathing. When we are in the bedroom we will receive a lot more pleasure if we can breath.  Imagine white light energy coming down along your spine on the inhale and wrapping around your vulva and up through your belly to your throat and over your head on the exhale. This will allow you to circulate the energy and be very aware of your physical body. So many of us disconnect from our bodies and become numb during sex. Breathing will allow you to stay in the moment. Even if the moment is full of intense emotional release , we want to stay in it and by staying in that moment we will finally be able to release it. Make sure focused breathing becomes a part of your bedroom play.
   
4. We deserve to have fun and let our hair down. The bedroom is like the playground for adults. The playground allows us to have so many different experiences. We can laugh and giggle, we can cry and feel sad, we can play well with others, we can give and receive, we can become aware of our emotional feelings and we can find our best friend.  We can shine on the playground or we call shrink. We can feel outrageous and outgoing or we can feel gentle and shy. The bedroom is the adult playground. Allow yourself to surrender to it and experience all it has to offer.
   
5. Become passionate about creating passion. Passion is a desire we all long for in life. We must awaken to our divine right to be happy, joyful and passionate. Express your passion. Choose to no longer allow yourself to be censored. If we have a strong passion about something share it. Embrace it. Fully step into the power of knowing our purpose and sharing it with the world. If it is excepted or not, it doesn't matter. If we shrink because we are afraid of judgment then we will shrink in the bedroom as well. Opening up to our passion and shouting it from the roof tops. Doing this will empower our sexual energy and our sexual expression. If we feel censored in the bedroom or if we feel censored in life we will feel a sexual disconnect. Choose to become passionate and share that passion with the world. It will assist the world as well as our own personal sexual energy.
   

Sexual energy is absolutely amazing when it is flowing. Just the other day I felt orgasmic energy  just from my husband placing his hand on top of my vulva. It was amazing and also a bit strange. I could have easily censored this but I didn't and it felt absolutely amazing. We deserve to feel amazing in the bedroom. We deserve to feel orgasmic energy. We deserve to feel safe, confident and secure in our sexual expression of who we are. We are all amazing and we all deserve to feel the sensual energy of satisfaction in the bedroom.

Reach out to me if you would like some emotional release work done. This can release old and heavy energies allowing us the ability to get our sexual energy flowing again.

My husband and I met 16 years ago today. We have had some amazing times and we have had some tragic times. We have experienced happiness, joy and excitement as well as experienced sadness, pain and tears. We have loved each other so deeply and we have hated each other so passionately. We have grown and expanded as well as put walls up and manned the tower. We have had nights of pleasure and passion and we have had nights of loneliness and despair. We have felt the euphoric feelings of love and we have felt the dark feelings of anger. We have seen each others light and we have seen each others darkness.  Through this all we have learned a few things. Here they are!

1. There will be great times and there will be painful times. They are both beautiful and both will allow you to open your heart and soul more to one another. Don't close down in the painful times. Don't run and hide. Don't feel ashamed. Face these feelings and shine light on what we perceive to be dark. Once we light the darkness up we no longer feel the need to hide parts of ourselves and we become comfortable in allowing our spouse to love us for all that we are.
2. Push and pull in the bedroom. This is a completely natural cycle. We are not going to be on fire when it comes to the bedroom every single night just as we are not going to be out of business. There is a cycle to sex and we get to become comfortable expressing this part of ourselves. There may be nights where we are feeling passionate and sexy and there will be nights where we just want to roll over without being touched and go to sleep. Both of these are fine. Sex is energy and our energy is always shifting. We get to allow ourselves some room to find our groove with this cycle and become understanding of ours needs, wants and desires as well as understanding that our spouse is going through the same cycle.
   
3. We must find things that we are passionate about. Boredom and the lack of passion is the root of discomfort when it comes to marriage. You must awaken to your own personal passions and embrace them. When we are feeling satisfied with who we are as a person then it becomes easier to openly share ourselves with our spouse. When we are protecting, guarding and manning our tower then we will feel the lack of passion for all things in life. We will feel okay but we will not feel passionate. When we shut down our ability to be passionate then we shut down a key part of who we are. I know that it can be scary to be passionate about something because ...what if we are judged or not received openly by others? Passion can put you in the line of fire. Passion can also awaken who you are at your deepest core levels. Find something to be passionate about and then find a way to share that passion. You will expand and your marriage will flourish
   
4. The power of perception. What we focus on expands. If we focus on all the things that bother us about our spouse, kids and life then we will get more of that. If we focus on what we love about our spouse, kids and life then we will get more of that. Our perception has the power to transform our life without must changing. We must see the beauty of our life. We must be grateful and happy. We deserve to wake up every morning with thoughts of love, prayer and gratitude. How we see the world is up to us. How we show up in our marriage is a choice we get to create everyday. Perception is a powerful tool that we get to use focus on the wonderful things. The more we focus on passion, pleasure, prosperity and peace the more we will get!
   

Marriage is what we create it to be. Decide today to construct your marriage with all the beautiful things it deserves.

I absolutely love music. It has always been something that has truly moved me spiritually, emotionally and yes ...sexually.  While I was working out this morning this song came on Pandora. As I listened to the lyrics I felt my yummy sensual energy. Music if we allow it to can really awaken our sexual energy.  I have always loved listening to sexual music.   
When I was younger I loved R & B. I enjoyed the smoothness of the sound with the under tone of seduction.  I loved POP music in my teens as it allowed me to move my body in sexy ways and tap into my inner diva. I enjoyed country as it would awaken me to deep love and deep loss. I enjoyed hardcore rap as it activated my inner anger and my deep longing to be wanted by a man so badly. I loved naughty by nature and too short.  Even now, I am 38 and I enjoy all the different varieties of music.

Music moves our souls. We can be moved to tears. We can be moved to happiness. We can be moved to cold chills. We can be moved to feel disgust. We can be moved to feel like dancing. We can be moved and tap into our sexual essence.

Music is so powerful. I suggest today to find music that activates, awakens and inspires your sexual soul.

Take some time and find some music that inspires you sexually. Not music that you feel is socially acceptable. I am talking about music that awakens that inner diva. That goddess inside. You know the girl I am talking about. We have all seen a woman move to music in such a sensual and erotic way and have secretly longed to be able to move like her.

This is the music I am talking about. The music that makes you feel like ...Oh yeah, I am a sexy , sensual , erotic and exotic feminine creature. I can move my body in a way that allows me to connect to who I am and transforms me into a work of art. The female body is a work of art and music can enhance the art. Music is yummy. Music is sexy. Music is sensual. Music can make us connect to parts of ourselves that we have shut down for years.

Now that you have found some sexy music add movement to it. Music and movement. What a beautiful combination. I am not suggesting that you become an exotic dancer but I am suggesting that you tap into that part of yourself. All of us women have the capability of moving our bodies in super delicious way.

Listen to sensual music and move slowly and seductively. I promise you will become aware of how beautiful you truly are. When we are married and we have children it is so easy to forget the power of the feminine essence. Tap back into her. You deserve it. The feminine essence of who you are as a woman wants to be embrace and empowered. You may feel funny at first but with some time and some consistent effort you will flourish and feel satisfied.

Here are some of my favorite yummy sexy songs
Sexy Can I by Ray J
Smack that by Akon
Dance with me by 112
I wanna love you by Akon... (I  prefer the explicit version which says F@*k you instead of love!)
Porn star dancing by My darkest days
Touch my body by Mariah Carey
Dance like we are making love by Ciara

Here are just a few of my favorites. Some of my songs may be a bit over the top for you but find a few of your own and allow yourself to move slowly and seductively. I promise music and movement will awaken your feminine, sexual, sensual essence!

 

The Christmas season is the busiest time of year for my parents business. I have offered to assist them during the month of December so they don't have to work so hard.  They do Construction cleaning so it is not an easy job.  Movement is a huge part of the business so you are never and I mean never just sitting or standing around. So many people want to be in their new home for Christmas so my parents go in and make the inside of the house ready for these families to live in. When you walk into the home it is a disaster but with hard work and some soap and water...whola , it is bright, shiny and ready for some new family love.

While I was cleaning a house yesterday the smoke detector kept saying " Low battery". It said it over and over and over and over again for the whole 4 hours we were there. I thought it was annoying but it also created this question inside my brain.

How many of us want to have a marriage with amazing sex but we just keep saying " Low battery...low battery...low battery..."? This comes in the form of emotional distress, depression, disgust, despair, insecurities and so many other feelings that create the feeling of LOW BATTERY.

The only way to get that smoke detector to stop saying " Low Battery" over and over again is to replace her batteries. Once she has a new fresh pair of batteries she will be content and ready for her day.  When she starts to feel drained , she will start saying " Low Battery" over and over again.

Our emotional state inside our marriage reminds me of this smoke detector.  It is easy to just sit and want someone else to replace your batteries but this will never create happiness and growth. When we look to our spouse to replace our batteries we will most likely feel disappointed because even if they send flowers, plan a romantic date or do the dishes, the receptionist will not be there to receive them in the full manner she should because someone else can not produce your own inner happiness.

We must work on and take action to replace our batteries. We must decide to move forward and through some emotional pain so we can show up fully and receive all the beauty our marriage has to offer.

When we take on our own self and make it a point to have fresh batteries then we will feel excited, happy, peaceful and presence inside our skin. When we have fresh batteries we can empower our marriage and become the receptionist. We will be able to see, feel and know the beauty of fresh flowers being brought home to us. Dishes being done for us and a romantic vacation being planned for us. When we take action and become connected to our feminine nature we will flourish and add absolute value to our marriage.

We also get to replace our sexual batteries. When it comes to the bedroom it is really easy to say " LOW BATTERY" over and over and over again. This is so damaging. Sex is such an amazing expression of love and pleasure. Sex is giving and receiving at the same time. Sex is energy that can be expressed in many different forms. Sex can be soft and gentle or sex can be hard and rough. Sex can be enjoyed for hours or sex can take 10 minutes.  Sex can be a you give and I will receive exchange or sex can be we will both give and both receive exchange. Sex can be full of passion and pleasure or sex can be full of sadness and pain. Sex can be full of emotion and sex can also feel emotionless. The duality of sex can be a beautiful thing is we can become emotionally safe inside our body.

The bedroom is a place where we must take action and have FRESH BATTERIES. I know sex can bring us so many painful emotions but if we don't take action and process through these emotions then we will always be repeating " Low Battery...Low Battery...Low Battery..."

Marriage is hard and Marriage is amazing. We get to choose everyday how we want to show up inside our marriage. We also get to choose how we show up with and in our sexual energy.

Choose to have Fresh Batteries. You deserve it. You are amazing and deserve to have a marriage that is full of passion, pleasure, peace and prosperity.