We live in a society that we are taught that girls are either Good
or Bad. We are in one category or the other
and usually we wanted to be bad just to make our parents angry. I feel most girls wanted to be considered good.
They tried very hard to make the right decision and to wear the proper clothing...nothing to risqué or revealing. We are taught that we do not want to send the wrong message by acting, looking and dressing properly we will be placed in the good girl category. Here is one problem that gets created in this moment of good girl vs. bad girl. Do good girls have great, uninhibited sex when they are married...probably not. The belief is still embedded in our brain that Good girls would not behave in this way. I am a good girl so the only way we can have sex is this one way so that I can continue to hold onto this belief that I am good. Good girls are usually very confused in the bedroom because sex feels good but the good girl has been conditioned that sex is naughty and the only girls that did those kind of things to a boy are girls that are considered troubled.
Girls that were sexually promiscuous had many issues and she was just using her body to get what she wanted from a boy or man. So here lies the underlining issue.
If we have a belief that Bad girls use sex to get what they want
from a man and good girl have sex just to be a good wife then we will
always feel so confused and part of us will always wish that we are on the
bad side of the fence. Well here is an announcement...YOU ARE MARRIED NOW AND HAVE PERMISSION TO BE AS BAD AS YOU WANT IN THE BEDROOM~ Now is the time that you can act out all those wild fantasies that you have and had being a good girl.
Good girls can have great sex. The kind of sex that you lose yourself
in one another, your bodies become one and your sense of smell, taste and
touch are heightened so that you can truly enjoy the sensations from each
other. If you have felt sex has to be un enjoyable and that you are
having sex just to please your husband and be a good wife then you are
missing out on so much pleasure in your marriage. As women we have a sex
drive and sexual thoughts and fantasies just like men, we just hide it
better. Start enjoying the sexual woman that you are. You have the right to
connect to your sexual self and to your husband so that you both can
experience a connection that God wants us to experience. When we are
sexually dissatisfied then tension, problems and faults are always the
things that are being focused on in marriage. We focus on the
bills, thekids, the dog, our religious groups and we place our sexual
connection to our spouse on the back burner. We tell ourselves that it can wait and sex is not that important now. I am here to tell you that you are absolutely mistaken.
Sex will strengthen your bond as a man and wife. Sex will create love,
passion, communication, acceptance, truth and honesty. Sex is the
foundation of a marriage as now you have one person that you can sexually
bond with for the rest of your life. Sex should be something that you focus
on as much as you focus on creating an income. Sex is life sustaining in a
marriage...so let your bad girl out of her cage, Good girls as now you have
legal permission to get wild, crazy and experience pure sexual
When we are young children and we are discovering our bodies we may be touching parts that make our parents uncomfortable. So in this very moment of discovering our sexuality we are usually yelled at, condemned and made to feel like we are dirty and naughty. We then feel ashamed during this process of self
discovery and mixed messages are always flooding our minds in the bedroom.
Parents have very strong feeling about sex. When parents are so hush,hush
and so ashamed of their sexual selves then their children experience the same
conflict of emotions. We experience feeling like sex is good and dirty at
the same time. We experience satisfaction with a side dish of shame and guilt.
The feeling of shame, guilt, anger and dissatisfaction is not what the
bedroom should produce. We should feel excited, passionate, desired,
confident, secure and most of all 100% loved and accepted. We get to spend
some time looking inward and finding the beliefs that were taught to us in
childhood and release the ones that are not serving our marriage. I know
that our parents did their best with the knowledge and experiences they had
at that time in their life but they are going off of their life experiences
and you have different experiences.
My Mother experienced childhood abuse and sexual trauma. She was just teaching
me how she felt...she wanted to protect me. She loved me and knew that sex in
her world was mostly accompanied by emotional hurt and feelings of sadness and
sorrow. I love my Mother. I am so glad that I have the ability to share my
beliefs and thoughts with her and she is open and more secure then she ever was
in my childhood. So I challenge you to take a deep look at where your sexual
beliefs came from and if you want to keep this belief any longer. When we have
sexual feelings that follow lovemaking and those feelings are dirty,
shameful, naughty and create a feeling of sadness then sex will be
something that tears your relationship apart.
We get to shift our perception. Sex is an act of service, acceptance, vulnerability,
playfulness, togetherness, and a passionthat only a husband and wife can
share. Sex in its purest form is an energy exchange between a husband and
wife that can be one of the most amazing spiritual experiences that you
will ever achieve in your life. Sex is raw, beautiful, spectacular,
passionate and most of all sacred. Dig deep inside your
mind and soul and start throwing out all the sexual beliefs that are causing
more pain then they are pleasure. Start remembering the sexual being you are.
Release the pain, discomfort and embarrassment of sex and replace it with
pleasure, confidence and an utter excitement to create the passion and sexual
connection that you and your spouse deserve.
Feeling sexually disconnected in our marriage is
inevitable. Even when we are extremely focused on strengthening the
intimate part of our marriage. Sexual ups and downs are going to happen. This is ok.
It is perfectly normal so do not get discouraged. When we are feeling
disconnected in the bedroom, take a step back and find out where else we are
feeling disconnected. Many of our emotions in our daily life can drift over and
affect our feelings sexually. Is work stressing you out? Are the children
sucking all the energy from you? Are you feeling uncomfortable with your body?
Are you stressed out over money?
RELAX. All these obstacles can be overcome. Take some
time for yourself. Get out in the sunshine, go for a walk, read a good book,
start your own business and relax into your life. Stress is a big killer of
intimacy in the bedroom. Release the daily pressures by writing in a journal,
talking to someone you respect, sharing your feelings with your spouse or just
close your eyes and take a few deep breathes and release the pressure of stress.
Learn to love the process of life and learn to love the process of building a
greater sexual connection with your spouse. Sex is also a great stress reliever.
If you are feeling extremely stressed out you can release and express this
emotion through sex. Rough sex can and will be very liberating and you will feel
better...everything is better after you have an intense session of sex with
your spouse and even better if you have an intense orgasm as well. Release the
stress and keep focusing on building a stronger sexual connection.
Lets talk about moving in a sexual way throughout the day for your man and
yourself. Most men are very visually stimulated while most woman are stimulated
through the spoken word. If we, as women, have the intention of seduction and
sensuality then we can have our body be the canvas for these thoughts and
intentions. I am not suggesting that we put on the shortest skirt, with thigh
high boots...although...this works wonders for your mans visual eye( believe
me). I am suggesting that throughout the day, you do have sexual thoughts and
when you receive these thoughts relay them to your man through your movement.
Become one with your thoughts and your body. Woman, no matter your size or
shape, are absolutely beautiful. The female body is a work of art...become at
ease sharing this art with your man. When you are washing the dishes and your
man comes up behind you, don't just stand still. Slowly arch your back and ever
so slightly press your body into his. Stop washing the dish and close your eyes.Enjoy this sensual moment. When you open the fridge to get something out, slowly bend down in a sexy fashion to capture your mans eye.When you give him a kiss, linger a little longer then you normally would, kissing his neck and inhaling his wonderful scent( hopefully its wonderful).
When I have a sexual thought I am comfortable caressing myself in front of my husband. Not is a porn star type of way but in a way that allows him to know that I am longing to be passionate with him.I will slowly run my hand up my leg into my inner thigh or I will run my hand down my neck and across my breasts while giving him a look of wanting and longing.
Use these sexual thoughts and your body to charge your connection in the bedroom.
Sexual thoughts are normal and will assist in increasing the passion in the
bedroom as long as you get comfortable having them. If guilt is attached then
sexual thoughts will make you feel dirty and shameful. Guilt has no place in the
bedroom. Great sex will shift your marriage. I promise. Getting to a place where you feel open to have conversations and erotic exchanges with your spouse throughout the day will
increase the heat and create sparks that will turn your bedroom from smolder to blaze!
Lets get real, honest and open in the bedroom!
My name is Cameo .I have been married for 19 years and with my husband for 20.5 years. I know that the sexual connection in a marriage can create strength and happiness and I also know the lack of a sexual connection can leave you feeling empty and dissatisfied. Lets get real open and become sexually satisfied in our marriages!