 We live in a society that we are taught that girls are either Good or Bad. We are in one category or the other and usually we wanted to be bad just to make our parents angry. I feel most girls wanted to be considered good. They tried very hard to make the right decision and to wear the proper clothing...nothing to risqué or revealing. We are taught that we do not want to send the wrong message by acting, looking and dressing properly we will be placed in the good girl category. Here is one problem that gets created in this moment of good girl vs. bad girl. Do good girls have great, uninhibited sex when they are married...probably not. The belief is still embedded in our brain that Good girls would not behave in this way. I am a good girl so the only way we can have sex is this one way so that I can continue to hold onto this belief that I am good. Good girls are usually very confused in the bedroom because sex feels good but the good girl has been conditioned that sex is naughty and the only girls that did those kind of things to a boy are girls that are considered troubled. Girls that were sexually promiscuous had many issues and she was just using her body to get what she wanted from a boy or man. So here lies the underlining issue. If we have a belief that Bad girls use sex to get what they want from a man and good girl have sex just to be a good wife then we will always feel so confused and part of us will always wish that we are on the bad side of the fence. Well here is an announcement...YOU ARE MARRIED NOW AND HAVE PERMISSION TO BE AS BAD AS YOU WANT IN THE BEDROOM~ Now is the time that you can act out all those wild fantasies that you have and had being a good girl. Good girls can have great sex. The kind of sex that you lose yourself in one another, your bodies become one and your sense of smell, taste and touch are heightened so that you can truly enjoy the sensations from each other. If you have felt sex has to be un enjoyable and that you are having sex just to please your husband and be a good wife then you are missing out on so much pleasure in your marriage. As women we have a sex drive and sexual thoughts and fantasies just like men, we just hide it better. Start enjoying the sexual woman that you are. You have the right to connect to your sexual self and to your husband so that you both can experience a connection that God wants us to experience. When we are sexually dissatisfied then tension, problems and faults are always the things that are being focused on in marriage. We focus on the bills, thekids, the dog, our religious groups and we place our sexual connection to our spouse on the back burner. We tell ourselves that it can wait and sex is not that important now. I am here to tell you that you are absolutely mistaken. Sex will strengthen your bond as a man and wife. Sex will create love, passion, communication, acceptance, truth and honesty. Sex is the foundation of a marriage as now you have one person that you can sexually bond with for the rest of your life. Sex should be something that you focus on as much as you focus on creating an income. Sex is life sustaining in a marriage...so let your bad girl out of her cage, Good girls as now you have legal permission to get wild, crazy and experience pure sexual pleasure.
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 When we are young children and we are discovering our bodies we may be touching parts that make our parents uncomfortable. So in this very moment of discovering our sexuality we are usually yelled at, condemned and made to feel like we are dirty and naughty. We then feel ashamed during this process of self discovery and mixed messages are always flooding our minds in the bedroom. Parents have very strong feeling about sex. When parents are so hush,hush and so ashamed of their sexual selves then their children experience the same conflict of emotions. We experience feeling like sex is good and dirty at the same time. We experience satisfaction with a side dish of shame and guilt. The feeling of shame, guilt, anger and dissatisfaction is not what the bedroom should produce. We should feel excited, passionate, desired, confident, secure and most of all 100% loved and accepted. We get to spend some time looking inward and finding the beliefs that were taught to us in childhood and release the ones that are not serving our marriage. I know that our parents did their best with the knowledge and experiences they had at that time in their life but they are going off of their life experiences and you have different experiences. My Mother experienced childhood abuse and sexual trauma. She was just teaching me how she felt...she wanted to protect me. She loved me and knew that sex in her world was mostly accompanied by emotional hurt and feelings of sadness and sorrow. I love my Mother. I am so glad that I have the ability to share my beliefs and thoughts with her and she is open and more secure then she ever was in my childhood. So I challenge you to take a deep look at where your sexual beliefs came from and if you want to keep this belief any longer. When we have sexual feelings that follow lovemaking and those feelings are dirty, shameful, naughty and create a feeling of sadness then sex will be something that tears your relationship apart. We get to shift our perception. Sex is an act of service, acceptance, vulnerability, playfulness, togetherness, and a passionthat only a husband and wife can share. Sex in its purest form is an energy exchange between a husband and wife that can be one of the most amazing spiritual experiences that you will ever achieve in your life. Sex is raw, beautiful, spectacular, passionate and most of all sacred. Dig deep inside your mind and soul and start throwing out all the sexual beliefs that are causing more pain then they are pleasure. Start remembering the sexual being you are. Release the pain, discomfort and embarrassment of sex and replace it with pleasure, confidence and an utter excitement to create the passion and sexual connection that you and your spouse deserve.  Feeling sexually disconnected in our marriage is inevitable. Even when we are extremely focused on strengthening the intimate part of our marriage. Sexual ups and downs are going to happen. This is ok. It is perfectly normal so do not get discouraged. When we are feeling disconnected in the bedroom, take a step back and find out where else we are feeling disconnected. Many of our emotions in our daily life can drift over and affect our feelings sexually. Is work stressing you out? Are the children sucking all the energy from you? Are you feeling uncomfortable with your body? Are you stressed out over money? RELAX. All these obstacles can be overcome. Take some time for yourself. Get out in the sunshine, go for a walk, read a good book, start your own business and relax into your life. Stress is a big killer of intimacy in the bedroom. Release the daily pressures by writing in a journal, talking to someone you respect, sharing your feelings with your spouse or just close your eyes and take a few deep breathes and release the pressure of stress. Learn to love the process of life and learn to love the process of building a greater sexual connection with your spouse. Sex is also a great stress reliever. If you are feeling extremely stressed out you can release and express this emotion through sex. Rough sex can and will be very liberating and you will feel better...everything is better after you have an intense session of sex with your spouse and even better if you have an intense orgasm as well. Release the stress and keep focusing on building a stronger sexual connection.  Lets talk about moving in a sexual way throughout the day for your man and yourself. Most men are very visually stimulated while most woman are stimulated through the spoken word. If we, as women, have the intention of seduction and sensuality then we can have our body be the canvas for these thoughts and intentions. I am not suggesting that we put on the shortest skirt, with thigh high boots...although...this works wonders for your mans visual eye( believe me). I am suggesting that throughout the day, you do have sexual thoughts and when you receive these thoughts relay them to your man through your movement. Become one with your thoughts and your body. Woman, no matter your size or shape, are absolutely beautiful. The female body is a work of art...become at ease sharing this art with your man. When you are washing the dishes and your man comes up behind you, don't just stand still. Slowly arch your back and ever so slightly press your body into his. Stop washing the dish and close your eyes.Enjoy this sensual moment. When you open the fridge to get something out, slowly bend down in a sexy fashion to capture your mans eye.When you give him a kiss, linger a little longer then you normally would, kissing his neck and inhaling his wonderful scent( hopefully its wonderful). When I have a sexual thought I am comfortable caressing myself in front of my husband. Not is a porn star type of way but in a way that allows him to know that I am longing to be passionate with him.I will slowly run my hand up my leg into my inner thigh or I will run my hand down my neck and across my breasts while giving him a look of wanting and longing. Use these sexual thoughts and your body to charge your connection in the bedroom. Sexual thoughts are normal and will assist in increasing the passion in the bedroom as long as you get comfortable having them. If guilt is attached then sexual thoughts will make you feel dirty and shameful. Guilt has no place in the bedroom. Great sex will shift your marriage. I promise. Getting to a place where you feel open to have conversations and erotic exchanges with your spouse throughout the day will increase the heat and create sparks that will turn your bedroom from smolder to blaze! Lets get real, honest and open in the bedroom! |
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