 Do you often look at a supermodel and feel deep down that your husband would like you to look like that? Have you been waiting in the checkout line and look over to notice that hot celebrity wearing a sexy bikini and you think that your husband wishes you looked that way? Have you been watching a movie and a sexy woman is doing a little strip tease for her man and you feel your husband would love to have that in his life?
I feel as women we get caught up in feeling and thinking that our husbands want us to be a specific way when it comes to sexiness. I have found that my husband may find these things sexy but there is nothing sexier than his wife with confidence. When I am wearing something that draws his attention and I do so with security and confidence then this is creating greatness in my marriage. When I am at the beach and I am wearing a swimsuit that I feel comfortable in and I exude confidence then this is sexy and is creating greatness in my marriage. When I do a strip tease for my husband and do so with confidence, security and love then this is creating greatness in my marriage. When I do these things and have confidence accompany me then my husband feels full filled and excited in his marriage. I have found if I do these things with embarrassment , lack of confidence and insecurity then these things cause more of a disconnect in my marriage. I want us all to focus on things that create excitement, confidence and create a stronger connection with our spouse. We all have amazing things to offer in our marriage. Pick one or two things that build a strong foundation in the sexual connection that you are building with your spouse and share them...with confidence. Our spouse loves us with all of our good, bad, silly and uniqueness we have to offer. Share yourself with your spouse and do so knowing that he or she is completely satisfied with the things you have to offer as long as you do so with confidence. The greatness of having a spouse is to slowly build a sexual connection that is so amazing you feel euphoric. Start sharing yourself in a confident way that you know will produce the great sex you and your spouse deserve.
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 I read in a book that men on average take less then 4 minutes to reach an orgasm while women on average take around 20 minutes... If reincarnation is real, I am coming back as a man! ha-ha
The mind plays a major part in achieving female orgasm. I have heard of women who can think themselves into orgasm. WOW...this is an amazing tool that we all need to be tapping into. The question is, How do we get our mind to work with us instead of against us? Woman are great at multi tasking. We are made this way so we can do the laundry, while cooking dinner, while feeding the baby and getting the other kids in the bath. This multi tasking ability is a gift. With all gifts there are a few down falls. Multi tasking while we are having sex is not a gift it assures one thing will happen and that is we will not be present during sex. We get to learn that sex is one place where the brain has to be focused. We want to focus on enjoying ourselves and our partner as well as having an orgasm. The bedroom is no place for a TO DO list. I am not saying that orgasm has to always be the outcome. I have found that when I take the pressure off myself and just enjoy the rawness and passion of sex then I am extremely content no matter what the end result is. My mind has to be present. I am unable to really enjoy the connection that my husband and I are sharing if I am thinking " I forgot to pay the mortgage or I can't forget to schedule the kids dentist appointments in the morning". If my mind is wondering and I am not fully engaged then my husband and I are not connecting in the most intimate of ways. Our minds can make sex seem superficial or our minds can make sex perfect, passionate and playful. We get to find a few effective ways in allowing our minds to focus on purposeful pleasure. Here are a few ways in allowing your mind to focus. One way is to always keep a list of items you will get accomplished on that certain day. Label them in order of importance so even if you do not get them all done you at least got the most important ones completed. Another way is after you get the kids in bed take a short bubble bath with the intent to connect with your sexual power. Notice your beautiful legs and your curvy sexy body. Breathe deep and visualize you and your man having intense fun. Also we have all heard that affirmations are super powerful in our life. Start using affirmations regarding your sex life. State things like.... I love having sex, I love pleasing my spouse, I am secure with my naked body, I achieve orgasm easily and love it, my mind is a sexual tool, and there are so many more you can come up with. As women we get to make sure that we are aware of our mental state when we are being intimate. Sex is required for a feeling of wholeness in our marriage. If our minds are not present then we will still feel a little empty. Lets start using our minds more effectively and efficiently. In deep orgasm, if you are aware, you will know for the first time what ecstasy is. Otherwise you have only heard the word; you have not known its meaning. Only in deep orgasm, if you are aware, if your flame of awareness is burning bright, will you be able to know that sex is not just sex. Sex is the outermost layer; deep inside is love; and even deeper is prayer; and deepest is God himself. Sex can become a cosmic experience; Sex plus awareness... and something tremendous starts changing. - Osho  Most of us are Mothers and Fathers and when the kids start bringing home their art projects and their heart felt notes it is very easy to place these precious treasures in our bedroom. As women we get to be very conscious of our surroundings. When there is a Winnie the Pooh picture your son colored, and a Barbie doll cut out your daughter gave you on your bedroom dresser then it is a little harder to feel sexually connected. We get to decide that the bedroom is an adult room. I am not saying there should be explicit photos or items that your children should not be exposed to. I am saying this should be a space that creates a feeling of serenity and sexuality. When we step into our bedroom we want to feel the passion and love that is shared in this space. Our bedroom is just that...OURS. There are very few things that are just ours so decide that this is the one room that you get to make sexually stimulating . Here are a few tips that I have found that create an amazing environment for intimacy. 1.Take all Mommy and Daddy items out of your room. 2.Change the sheets often and when you do...visualize sexual intimacy with your spouse. 3.Create dim lighting , light candles or buy a black light....lighting can really assist women in feeling more sexual. 4.Get something that plays music that makes you feel erotic. 5. Diffuse essential oils or light incents...find a scent that creates a sexy mood 6.Get bedding that sparks a sexual feeling....if flowers are on your bed and flowers do not make you feel sexy ...then change your choice of bedding. 7.Clutter makes us feel pressure....so get rid of any and all clutter in your room. 8.Have fun creating the environment where you and your spouse are going to connect on a very intimate ,very erotic level. Sex is so amazing and when we take pride in the environment that we are exchanging sexual energy and sexual favors then we can feel very sexy and very safe doing so. http://www.facebook.com/mma4all http://www.facebook.com/sexlessmarriagenomore  Stress and Sex...Is stress dictating your sex life!
With all the daily stress in our lives it is no mystery as to why our sex drive is getting lower and lower. Stress produces cortisol and cortisol decreases testosterone. Now men have 10 times more testosterone then woman so even with daily stress they are still ready to get frisky at any moment sometimes more frisky and sometimes less. I read that a man could be standing in two feet of pig poop and a sexy woman could walk by and the first thing they think about is sex but a woman can be feeling as sexual as ever and step over a dirty sock and the feeling is lost. Women are created with small amount of testosterone so when stress hits we can feel our sexual desire fade away. This is understandable. I am not saying that we have to get away from all stresses as that would be an impossible task. Stress is part of life but as women we get to find ways to reduce the small daily stresses so connecting on an intimate level is smoother and easier. When we can allow the little things to roll of our shoulders then we can move closer to our husband in a sexual way. I have found that sex itself reduces stress for me. When I am using energy to show my husband how much I want and love him then the stress that I feel can fade. If I am unable to allow the little stresses to roll off my shoulder then I channel this energy in a sexual way and treat my husband like the naughty, dirty man he wants to be sometimes. I can use the stress to transform from a nice, loving wife to an aggresive, naughty sexual diva. Sex is beautiful, natural and absolutely amazing but you can shift sex at times and become that naughty, hot school girl that is ready to tear into her husband like the hot piece of meat he is. As we learn to channel stress into and out of our daily lives it can fuel our sexual mood. We can allow stress to take away our sex drive completely or, we can learn to release stress and have electrifying sex, or we can take the daily stress and channel that into hot, angry, stress fueled sex. Sex is amazing in so many different ways so start embracing and enjoying every way.  It is so easy to forget how beautiful and sexy we are as women. We are created with curves, soft lips, luscious looks and a caring nature. In society it is so easy to get caught up in all the things we lack. We start feeling things like...if I was thinner I would feel sexy, If I had long flowing hair I would feel sexy, If I had legs that stopped traffic then I would feel sexy. We get to stop focusing on all the things that bring doubt into our erotic existence and start focusing on increasing and building a strong foundation of confidence, sensuality and love. We are all beautiful. We are all sexy in our own way. We all do not fit in any specific box. We all are made with different features so lets focus on the greatness we have to offer then we will naturally feel sexy. What we think about we bring about so start thinking about all the wonderful parts of yourself. When you wake up in the morning look at yourself in the mirror and say nice things to yourself. Say things like I have pretty eyes, I have beautiful legs, I have a great smile, I have nice hair, I love my height, then you can say things about yourself on a more internal note such as I am a caring person, I have gifts to offer the world, I am great at supporting people, I am a good wife, I am a great Mother and anything else that you can think of that is positive. We often talk to ourselves like we are the enemy and then we wonder why we feel so awful. We are amazing women with beautiful bodies and so much love to offer. Lets make sure we are doing things that ignite sexiness within ourselves. For example... I love listening to sensual music it creates a sexy feeling inside my soul. I also love to dance and can dance in a sensual way that creates a strong, confident, dominant sexual vibe inside of my body. I also love wearing boots. Boots create the feeling of although I am in levies and a T shirt I still have a sexual side to myself. When we are connected to the sexiness we posses it is a smoother transition from being a Mother and friend to being that sexual woman that is ready to be intimate with her man. If we are feeling bad, wearing sweats and filthy shoes then it is a harder transition to feel sexy and to feel ready to intimately connect. Woman usually require warming up to feel ready to be intimate so we can take responsibility and some small steps to create that soft erotic sensation and feeling so when our husband shows us some exotic attention we respond with our sex-a-licous self!  Can excitement be created in the bedroom with no outside influences? I am asking, Can great sex be achieved with no lubes, lotions, potions, toys or adult videos? My answer is ABSOLUTELY matter of fact I think it is better. When there are outside things that we bring into the bedroom it can create more of a disconnection instead of a great connection. When you are experimenting this can be fun but if you are truly committed in feeling completely comfortable with one another then I have found that the purity of myself and my husband creates serenity in the bedroom. Peace, love and vulnerability is present. When other items are brought into the bedroom I feel more like we are experimenting. We are two consenting adults creating sexperiments. I am all for creating fun in the bedroom but when that fun creates a feeling of being separate from one another then I feel like it may be doing more damage then good. We want to feel comfortable, confident, connected, whole and together. Lotions, potions, exotic foods, body paints, blindfolds and a few more items can create the feeling of connection in the bedroom as you are both having fun exploring the possibility of something new and exciting. I personally feel that erotic toys and pornographic images create disconnection and at times even destruction. Toys that vibrate create a sensation that your husband is never going to be able to duplicate....unless your husbands penis vibrates. You want to focus on getting to a place that your spouse can satisfy all your sexual needs. When it comes to pornographic images I have personally never found that it brings a great sexual connection. Porn is a fake sexual experience and Porn only creates chemicals in your brain that you want more and more of. It is like a drug and it will consume and possibly destroy your marriage. You can get creative in the bedroom but remember the whole reason you are there. You are giving yourself to your spouse. You are sharing and serving. You are committing to being open, honest, vulnerable, sincere, real and passionate. Sex is amazing and you have the ability to create your own bedroom playground. You can bring in items that are fun but make sure those items do not disconnect you and your spouse from one another. Raw intimacy between the two of you is the best but there is a time for playful fun as well.  Utah legislature has passed a sex education bill that allows schools to decide whether they will teach students about human sexuality and in the event that they do, requires that it use “abstinence-only instruction materials.” The bill now goes to the governor for approval. According to the bill,if a school decides to teach sex education they must teach it in the context of “abstinence from all sexual activity before marriage and fidelity after marriage as the only sure methods for preventing certain communicable diseases.” The bill says that at any time when human sexuality is being taught, instruction is not to include information about “the intricacies of intercourse, sexual stimulation, or erotic behavior; homosexuality; or [the advocacy or encouragement of] the use of contraceptive methods or devices.”http://www.theblaze.com/stories/utah-legislature-passes-bill-requiring-abstinence-only-sex-education-or-none-at-all/ As a married woman and Mother of 3 I started thinking where have I created My beliefs and my understanding about sex. I then asked myself would I want the school system teaching my children about sex and my answer is.... absolutely not. As a woman that is comfortable with communicating openly with my child this is my answer. This is another reason that we get to feel and be more comfortable with the topic of sexuality. So where did you learn about sex? My parents were very closed regarding this subject matter. I learned from having 6 older brothers and watching way to many television programs. Beverly hills90210, Melroseplace, Days of our lives...I learned a thing or two from all these. I learned how to use my sexuality to get what I want. I learned to use my assets so I could gain acceptance and approval from boys. If we just stick our heads in the sand and hope that our children are going to make the right decision then we are not living in reality. Reality is that sex is everywhere. The T.V programs now days are filled with sexual content. There are whole programs based on sexual content and nothing else. Jersey Shore, Bad girls club, Pretty little liars, Gossip girls and so many more. As parents we get to feel more comfortable about speaking on such a powerful topic. Sex is normal, natural, beautiful, exciting and God-Given. If we are allowing the school system and television programs to educate our children then we will have very confused children on our hands. Sex is not bad, naughty, taboo or unnatural so if we can communicate effectively with our children then they will have more knowledge and power to create good decisions on their own. We now get to take some time and understand where are education came from regarding sex. Sex is not a tool to use so you can fix what is broken, or glue back together different pieces of yourself so you can feel whole. Sex is not something you throw around like loose change. Sex is not power. Sex is not controlling. Sex is wonderful. Sex is amazing. Sex is beautiful. Sex is enlightening. Sex is emotional. Sex is spiritual. Sex is peaceful. Sex is fun. Sex is uniting. Sex is never ending. Sex is a spark. Are your sexual beliefs creating conflict as a spouse? Are your sexual beliefs creating conflict as a Mother? Are your sexual beliefs creating conflict as a Father? Are your sexual beliefs creating conflict as a Spiritual Being having a human experience? If you answered Yes to any of these then I would suggest you release what is not serving you and your family. Lets get comfortable with the subject of sex and how important sex is on our daily life. We can feel the impact of being sexually confident and sexually satisfied beings. We get to realize that we have the amazing ability to give ourselves to another with complete honesty, love and grace. We deserve to be confident. We deserve to be happy. We deserve to be honest and open. Be the person you wanted your parents to be when you wanted security and knowledge when it came to sex. Strong Sexual feelings and a lack of parental acceptance and guidance is like a time bomb waiting to explode. Sex is amazing and when we are comfortable with teaching, educating and sharing our beliefs, our values, our morals and our hopes for our children, they will respond in a way that they will forever be thankful for. I have a teenage daughter and I am so glad that I have choose to be open, honest, and forthright with her. It is uncomfortable at times but I know if I don't teach her someone else will and I don't want that. She has plenty of outside influence and I want her to have the most powerful influence inside the home...not outside!  When Jeff and I were first together my cycle was a challenge that presented itself in a fun way every month and we always found ways to still connect on an intimate level. My cycle was an obstacle to get around so we could still enjoy each others nakedness. After 12 years together I have created this monster that comes with my cycle. It is no longer a fun obstacle but a scary monster that my husband should stay far, far away from. I have created this. In my mind I am not feeling sexy. I am feeling crampy, bloated, tired, emotional and I could cry or flip out at any moment. I have changed my perception about my cycle. I have decided it is something awful and disgusting instead of the beautiful cycle of life that it really is. Our menstrual cycle is there so we have the ability to create life. What an amazing gift. As we are consistently looking for new ways to connect on an intimate level this can be a great way. This month I choose to share myself with my husband while menstruating. I made sure I showered and then laid a large towel down. I made sure that it was dark so we both felt comfortable as it is not a beautiful scene BUT I did find that sex was more intense during my cycle. I believe the hormones that are getting released while on your cycle can really make sex more enjoyable then it already is. If you have slow movements and you are on the bottom then there is not that big of a mess. While on your cycle it creates a natural lubricant that is very enjoyable and as a woman it makes me feel that my husband loves and enjoys me even when I am menstruating. I am not off limits. I am not disgusting. I am not shut down. I am a beautiful, mature, loving, amazing woman and wife who wants to connect sexually all the time. I suggest that you try this just once. If both of you consent and want to move forward I believe that sex during your cycle may be something you both really enjoy. You may try it and neither one of you will like it or maybe one will and one won't. I am not saying that it will be perfect but I am saying in marriage open up to your spouse and see if you like it or you don't. We have all heard that you don't judge a book by its cover...so lets not create a scenario in our mind unless we have tried it at least once. You may find that being intimate will lessen your bleeding, lessen your cramps and shorten your period. This happens by the uterine contractions that take place while being intimate. Lets remember how wonderful and beautiful we all our even when we are menstruating. Our cycle gives us the gift of housing another little soul inside our precious body. Our cycle is wonderful and as woman we get to remember how amazing we all are. |
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