Do you ever feel like your sexual side has went into hiding and is so scared and frightened that it will lie dormant for the rest of your life. I am not talking about just having sex. Sex is a very intimate action but if you don't feel comfortable and confident being sexual then sex itself will feel just okay! No one and I mean no one wants to have just okay sex! We want to focus on getting very comfortable with our sexuality and then getting even more comfortable expressing this side of ourselves. With all the daily tasks that a woman can take on, her sexuality may be the first thing that she dims. As women we are bright, creative, loving and yes sexual beings. We are this bright light and when we get so many things burning all at once the sexual self seems like the logical thing to shut off but its not! I have been in a place with young kids, working full time, being a mother at night and then wanting so badly to connect in a positive, healthy, fun loving way with my husband but unable to. I had lost my sexual self. I had placed her in a box and put her in the very back of the closet. My husband was so sweet and supportive but he to was dying inside. Men want appreciation, acceptance, understanding, and SEX. Men want the other emotions that women want. They want to feel approval from their spouse that they are good enough. Men want to feel appreciation for taking care of all the things men take care of. Men want to be understood and loved and men truly desire for their woman to want them sexually.
Dig that box out from the back of the closet and open her up. Your sexual self is one of the most exciting parts of who you are. You have decided to spend the rest of your life with this amazing man and both of you deserve to have an out of this world sexual connection. Creating this connection is so much fun and at times can also be painful( if you have attached shame, guilt, or have repressed emotions about sex) but even the pain deserve to be felt and then released.
Remember when you and your hubby first started having an intimate relationship? I am not talking just about having sex I am talking about the little playful moments in your dating experience. Remember thinking about what you was going to wear, how your were going to do your hair, the excitement, the anticipation, the longing to be with one another. After years of marriage you can still create this emotion. It will no longer just come naturally as we can get into daily habits and this can take that spark out of our married relationship.
Relax into your sexuality. Relax into being playful with your hubby. Don't be such a...prude! As a mother this can really become a problem. We become stuck in mommy mood and don't give our hubby the attention he deserves and so desperately wants. When you become playful you can create little moments that always make your husband feel wanted, desired and longed for.
Here are a few examples of your to be playful throughout the day with a sexual spark!
1. There is always a moment where your husband is looking your way and no one else is around...take a quick moment to flash him some part of your sexy body! You will for sure have his attention
2. Kiss your husband in a seductive way. Go up behind him and kiss his neck, then slowly run your hand down his luscious body ending with the package he is so proud of. Give this a nice feel and smile at your hubby. He will feel like a stud for the rest of the day.
3. Get comfortable touching yourself. I am not talking about masturbating. I am talking about being able to caress yourself in a way that activates your husbands sexual desire. When your hubby looks over at you slowly run your hand softly down your breast and look at him with lustful eyes. Or run your hand up your thigh and stop at the highest part of the inner thigh.
4. Get comfortable with sexual postures. Remember when you would drop something and practice picking it up in an enticing way( Maybe you never did this... I did). If you did not do this then start. Bend over in a sexual way. Arch your back, stick out your chest and bend at the waist pushing your butt out as far as you can. Practice being seductive. The more you practice the more confident you will become in expressing your sexual being.
Marriage is awesome. Awesomeness only happens with constant effort. Becoming comfortable with your sexual self is something you deserve! Our husbands love sex. We should love sex. If we both love sex then our relationship can flourish as we are both fulfilling each others desires.
Boredom in the bedroom is a sure way to feel disconnected. We all have that inner sexual diva that wants to try wild things and express our sexual self in an open and confident way. When is the last time you have done something new, exciting, different and out of the box? When is the last time you have sat down and had a conscious thought about your sexual plans for the night, weekend or a special occasion. Sex is something that can become boring unless you are putting constant thought into your sexual wants, desires and cravings. I am not saying that you have to be thinking about sex every minute of every day but sexual thought will assist you in creating sexual expressions that awaken both you and your man. If you are waiting for your man to plan all these wonderful ways to express his sexual wants and desires for you in a creative way...you may be waiting a long time. Men love sex and thou some men are very creative they may not be super creative in the bedroom! Sexual expression is something we deserve to get very comfortable with. Sexual expression creates excitement back into the bedroom. After 13 years with my hubby I can still get butterflies in my belly when I have planned something a little wild and out of my sexual comfort box! I myself hate to be bored and anything can become boring when it is the same thing night after night. Here are a few ideas of how you can create some sexual spontaneity in and out of the bedroom!
1. Dress up...Find a sexy piece of club wear and put together a sexy candle light dinner for you and your man. Get your hair done, put on flattering make up, shave your legs, lotion your body, and then slip into that sexy little number that you have personal picked out. Make sure it is a piece you feel erotic in. Don't pick a piece that makes you feel self conscious. Pick a piece that you feel sexy in but also will make your man feel like you are wearing it for his viewing pleasure. Then play the part ladies. I love this. I love playing the part of a woman who so badly wants her man to notice every inch of her curvious body. Act like you just landed the lead role in Basic Instinct and seductively seduce your man!
2. Dance...Every man wants a private erotic strip tease for his own viewing pleasure and it is even more enticing when he knows he gets to fuck you at the end of this amazing show. Be seductive, move slowly and allow your hands to move all over your body in the way you would want your lovers hands to move all over your body. Close your eyes and allow your inner dancing vixen to be explored. You will feel empowered and your man will feel excited.
3. Take pictures...With the invention of digital cameras this can be a super fun one with no risk. Most cameras have self timers on them so you can take all the sensual pictures you want and then allow your man the opportunity to see you expressing your sexiness. I love this one. I feel a little uncomfortable with my husband taking the pictures but with the ability to put my camera on a tripod and take all the pictures I want with no one else in the room is truly liberating. You will find a part of yourself that says " DAMN...I am super hot"! Keep the pictures you want and erase the ones that you don't. Then surprise him with a slideshow or just let him scan through the pictures on the camera, then when the evening is over...hit the delete button and the evidence has vanished! What a beautiful invention! Love the digital camera. You can also take pictures of each other, this is a fun way to connect and create an intimate moment...warning there can be laughter involved when taking pictures together but in a good way not an embarrassing way!
There are so many things you can do but make sure you are doing something new on a regular basis! This will keep the excitement alive and also awaken your own sexual diva. Woman love sex but we are super creative creatures as well so what is more perfect then creating new ways to express our sexuality!
Do something new in the next 5 days!
It is Sunday evening and boy did I have an eventful weekend. I have been doing a lot of research for my upcoming video series, " Why most men love porn ...Understanding and loving your man with no personal attachment or judgment". My husband and I talk very openly about the sexuality of humans as well as our personal sexuality. When my hubby and I first started dating porn was never anything that bothered me. I had 6 brothers and had seen many explicit things in my years of being the only girl and the youngest. Erotic images and pornographic films were something that I myself found very erotic. Then I got married. Marriage changed my views on porn. Not because of all the statistics that state how damaging porn is to the married relationship, my view changed because I felt like my husband was a douche bag! I had created this image in my mind that "My Husband" would be the only man that would be so satisfied with me sexually that he would just stop watching porn. I was perfectly fine hearing that other men watched porn and would even talk to their gals about how it is natural and to not be so hard on their guy BUT when my husband views porn I fire on all cylinders. All these CRAZY emotions get activated and I feel angry, upset, pissed off and super sad all at the same time. WHY???? I am not for or against porn. I know that porn is here to stay and it is only getting bigger and bigger, more accessible and easier for men to turn to. I want to release my personal attachments to the beliefs I have created about my guy watching porn. I want to be in a place that I may not agree with what porn has to represent but I can just see it for what it is and nothing more.
Men do not watch porn because they are unsatisfied with their sex life. There are times that my husband and I are intimate on a daily basis for weeks and he will still watches the occasional porno. We are having amazing sex and he still finds the need to look at erotic images. I have decided to talk openly about this topic because I know there are thousands of women who feel the same. They would like to get to an emotional state where their guy can look at porn and they can feel secure, confident and safe inside their womanhood. Porn can activate every insecurity a woman has and as a woman I want to get to a point where porn causes me no emotions and I create no attachment to it.
I find it funny that at times I am completely fine with porn in my marriage or knowing that my hubby watches it for 5-6 minutes ( which is the average length of time that a person is on a adult website) while he plays a little 5 on 1:) and then there are times that he is just looking at a sexy bodybuilder in a seductive poses and I feel like I just caught him with another woman! I am on a mission to release these emotions and I will share with you all I am learning along the way.
I have found a great analogy to understand men and the internet...here it goes!
Picture this...every morning when you walk into the kitchen there are 100's of gourmet chocolates all for your tasting pleasures. There are chocolate covered almonds, white chocolate dipped strawberries with a swirl of milk chocolate, there are smooth chocolates, dark chocolates anything your chocolate heart desires is there. Could you imagine just walking by and not indulging...just a little. Well this is how our men feel when it comes to porn. Anything their heart desires is there just waiting to please them with NO JUDGMENT! Men are sexual creatures. They have a desire to spread their seed but marriage makes this immoral for most men so what do they do to feed this urge? Watch porn!
Next time your man views porn and you know it. Try to process your emotions and sexual beliefs. Is porn really bad? Does porn harm anything? Is porn something that I want all these negative attachment to?
NOTE: This is for a woman who wants to be okay with her man viewing porn on a occasional basis. A man who watches porn here and there!
It is truly amazing to me how much emotional attachment I can have when it comes to pictures like these. There are certain days that I think all the pictures are amazing and I can find beauty in every single one of them. Then there are days that I feel so insecure that some of these pictures create a huge emotional pit of despair, guilt , shame and sadness. The expression of human sexual desire is natural and should never create an emotion of negativity....UNLESS I have created a negative belief and then this belief gets activated when seeing certain images. WOW...I am confident, open and very comfortable with my sexual self and still I carry beliefs around that have shame, guilt and sadness attached to them. As a child I was not taught about sex so I learned many things from my 6...yes 6 older brothers. This is one of the reasons I am so open about sex. You can image the things I have heard and the images I have seen. My brothers were so comfortable and open with their sexual wants and desires. Always making little comments and talking openly with one another. So here I learned openness, acceptance and felt like my life as a girl would be just as open, boy was I mistaken. I would be out with my friends and state something very sexual and there was huge amounts of judgment and guilt attached to my statement. I was shocked that girls did not express themselves like the boys did. I then learned you are considered a "BAD GIRL" if you are a sexual girl. I have really worked through all these beliefs that got downloaded when it comes to sex but there are times that they all come back strong and hard and then I have to ask myself " Why am I attaching so much shame, guilt and judgment when it comes to my sexual self?" I really recommend you take a moment and notice the feelings, thoughts and judgments that come up when you watch this slide show and ask yourself the same thing! We deserve to be comfortable with our sexuality and releasing shame, guilt and judgment! It is the only way we will become open and secure! Release negative beliefs about sex and continue to build a strong Sex positive belief!
Press the play button and notice your emotions. I would also suggest to watch this with your spouse as well. Notice the different emotions that come up when you are alone versus the emotions that come up when you are watching this with your hubby!
Then take some time and become aware of why you are feeling each emotion you felt and work through shifting these emotions if they are not serving you!
My name is Cameo .I have been married for 19 years and with my husband for 20.5 years. I know that the sexual connection in a marriage can create strength and happiness and I also know the lack of a sexual connection can leave you feeling empty and dissatisfied. Lets get real open and become sexually satisfied in our marriages!