What do I do when my wife hates sex?
I personally believe that women do not hate sex. Women can create beliefs about sex that make them feel shameful and guilty when it comes to receiving sexual pleasure. Most of our sexual beliefs get created when we are growing up and exploring our sexual self. Most often, women do not receive positive messages when it comes to their sexuality. Women are usually receiving many downloads of negativity and shame. So my first question would be...What are the beliefs you have about sex and are they helping you or hindering you? Many times girls hear things such as
This is just a few things that we could have heard that does damage if we adopt the belief and hold tightly to it.
Here is another question I would ask...Do you feel comfortable touching your own body? I am not talking masturbation I am talking about just touching your body. Rubbing your hand down your leg, or softly caressing your neck and shoulder. If you are not comfortable touching yourself then you are not going to be comfortable with anyone else touching you . Take some time and love yourself and your body. Small, gentle caresses will assist you in feeling sexier as well as learning to love your body and the sensations it is receiving. Women usually have some type of body complex and this can create a situation where being touched, naked or sexual are uncomfortable and take us out of our comfort zone.
My next question is...What is your sexual dialogue?
As a couple can you sit and talk about sex? Some people may be uncomfortable talking about sex with their spouse and this comes from a place of shame and guilt. Open and honest conversations about sex are some of the greatest conversations that my hubby and I have had. At times I would giggle and maybe even blush but after a few times I felt more and more like sharing my sexual wants, desires and thoughts. Sex is not a shameful thing but for women it can be because they were taught this as young girls. Try talking about something sexual in your relationship. If talking is to hard at first then get a note pad and write notes back and forth, like you and your friends did in high school. Take small steps to become more open sexually.
Now my next question is for the men...Are you taking time to get her sexual energy exploding?
Women are not cold one second and extremely hot the next...like men are, when it comes to sex. Men can compartmentalize sex...Most women can't . Women are emotional about sex and sex does not mean only paying attention to their boobs, butt and their vagina. There are many other sexual parts of a women. The slope of her neck, the curve of her back, her swiveling hips, her amazing thighs and her luscious lips. Pay attention to these areas leaving the boobs, butt and vagina until the very last. She is a buffet and her body should be the main course not just her specialized dishes. Treat her vagina like it is the biggest Christmas gift under the tree...you know the one you always save for last, knowing that it is the best. Her vagina is not going anywhere and the more you kiss, touch and caress her the more her vagina will be calling your name.
Women want to have orgasms and if they are not then sex can be not that appealing. Being sexual is amazing without orgasm but if every time you go to sit down at the dinner table and the places are set, the smell is delicious, the ambiance is perfect but there is no dinner then you would feel disappointed and upset. Orgasm is important and most women don't orgasm the second your penis enters her. There are tricks and perfect positions, or you may have to manually stimulate her to climax. There is nothing wrong with that. The more she orgasms the more she will want sex and be happy to have it with you.
Sex is something that takes effort. Get educated, explore one another, excite each other, express your wants, thoughts and desires and empower your sexual selves. This takes time, effort, energy and there can be no judgment. I promise you will be so grateful when you have the sexual connection that you deserve to have in your marriage!
What are the first thoughts that come to mind when you think about sex?
Are your thoughts sex positive or sex negative?
Lets face it, sex is super important in a marriage. Without intimacy you are just really great friends. Friendship is great. I love being a friend to my husband. As matter as fact ,he is my best friend. I have found that when I allow this friendship to be my only focus sex can usually fall to the way side. Most people don't have sex with their friends, some may but most don't! I have come to the conclusion that my thoughts about sex determine my actions about sex. If I am thinking thoughts such as " I feel fat, I hate how I look naked, I am tired, I don't enjoy sex" then this is exactly what I create in my life when it comes to sex. Personally I want to have amazing sex. I want to feel awesome about who I am as a sexual women expressing my desires to and with my husband. So I have decided to think sex positive thought, such as " I love having sex with my husband, I orgasm effortlessly and easily, I love being touched in a seductive way, I love expressing to my husband how bad I want to please him sexually". These are the thoughts that I have about sex. I will not allow myself to have negative thoughts about sex any longer. I have changed my thoughts for a whole year now and it has changed my sexual experience tremendously! I enjoy having sex. I love thinking sexual thoughts. I love expressing my sexual wants and desires. I know that I am a woman who deserves to release all the shame, guilt and judgment that I have allowed inside my belief system when it comes to sex. We are sexual beings who thrive when we receive sexual pleasure. So commit to yourself for just 7 days to only allow SEX POSITIVE thoughts into your system. Whenever a negative thoughts pops into your head quickly change it to have a positive spin. Do this for 7 consecutive days and notice how different you feel. You will be absolutely amazed at how easily you can change your sexual awareness to be completely positive and out of this world exciting. Monitor your sexual thoughts, make them positive and watch your sexual satisfaction flourish!
I am writing a new book. I wanted to share a part from Chapter 2 titled... His penis is his right hand man!
While my hubby and myself watched a movie called " Full Metal Jacket" there is a part that totally caught my attention and made me laugh silently ( since this movie is not funny)! The new recruits repeat a statement every night swearing their dedication to their rifle. Here is how it is stated.
" This is my rifle. There are many like it but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me my rifle is useless, without my rifle I am useless".
Then my thought was...What if I replaced rifle with Penis! Here it goes!
" This is my penis. There are many like it but this one is mine. My penis is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me my penis is useless, without my penis I am useless".
This statement makes perfect sense when it comes to a man and the relationship he has with his penis. Understanding your man and his desires, without shame, guilt and judgment being placed upon his shoulders is something every man deserves. I am writing this book to release the pain of women's personal attachment when it comes to their husbands sexual wants and desires. When we can get to a place of love, acceptance and complete honesty without attaching our own pain, judgment and conditions then our marriage can flourish with unconditional love and understanding!
Take the Lead in the Bedroom....Tease and enjoy your man with your seductiveness
Make a decision to try something new in the bedroom. We have to leave our comfort zone . Life can becoming boring and mundane. Don't allow the bedroom to remain the same day in and day out. Lets challenge ourselves to get brave and embrace our inner sexual vixen. Step out and create new excitement in the bedroom. Here are a couple of ways that you can create new sexual excitement while also connecting physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally and of course sexually. Try at least one and see how you feel afterwards.
There are so many things you can try but these two are easy, safe and an effective way to place your self in control and show your hubby the sensual, sexual, seductive side of yourself. Expressing your desire for him will in turn activate his desire to express his wanting for you. You will find yourself getting more kisses just because, more gentle caresses just because and more looks of desire and this will make you feel that sexual feeling that you have been longing for!!
Take the Lead...you and your man will be glad you did!
My name is Cameo .I have been married for 19 years and with my husband for 20.5 years. I know that the sexual connection in a marriage can create strength and happiness and I also know the lack of a sexual connection can leave you feeling empty and dissatisfied. Lets get real open and become sexually satisfied in our marriages!