I believe that women experience extreme duality when it comes to sex. I call this the classic battle of Good vs. Evil. Right vs. Wrong. Light vs. Dark. Wholesome vs. Slutty. I believe that most women feel as thou they have to classify themselves into a sexual category. This feeling of being in the " RIGHT" and " APPROVED" of category can completely shut down the sexy, fun, excited, wild, hot and expressive girl inside. She feels as thou she is not accepted for what she brings to the table so she hides in the corner not willing to break free from her cage. She expresses herself with anger, rage, sadness, depression and eating herself into numbness. I am going to identify this personality inside and call her " Slutty Sally".
Slutty Sally is inside each and everyone of us girls. She longs to be expressed and she longs to be acknowledged. Slutty Sally wants to be part of our whole self. She brings excitement, creativity, and sensuality. She awakens our sexual essence. Slutty Sally has the ability to make us feel alive. She can allow us to express our sexual wants and desires. She will open us up so we can feel , connect and express our truest diva self. Slutty Sally is here for a reason. She brings us into our beauty of embracing our sexual self. Slutty Sally is super fun. She is extremely open. She loves to receive and give pleasure. Slutty Sally loves to share her essence with her man. Slutty Sally loves to make her man crave her, long for her, devour her. She knows what she wants and she is not afraid to create sexual dynamite. Slutty Sally is confident in the bedroom. She wears exciting attire and seduces her man and herself in the most sensual of ways. Slutty Sally is a sexual woman, she is not a little girl. She walks with her hips, she licks her lips, she caresses her body and she consumes her mans attention. Slutty Sally wants to be approved of and accepted. She wants you to love her and know that she is part all of us. Slutty Sally is absolutely amazing and she will allow you to express your sexual self in the most beautiful of ways. Embrace her....Love her....Accept her. Allow her free from her cage so she can bring back that missing piece.
As a woman I know that Slutty Sally is easy to disapprove of. She can feel wild and uncontrollable. She can make us feel ashamed and dirty. Slutty Sally can bring back many sexual memories that activate feelings of guilt, shame and resentment. Slutty Sally became an enemy. She became someone we feared. Slutty Sally could not be trusted. What other choice did we have...we shut her down. We put Slutty Sally in a cage to punish her for her crimes and uncontrollable urge for sexual satisfaction. We decided that Slutty Sally could only do us harm.
Slutty Sally wants to be FREE. She is screaming at you to let her out. Slutty Sally will behave herself. The two of you can co create to awaken your sexual diva and allow your sexual essence to be felt and expressed. Allow Slutty Sally to merge with who you are. She is absolutely amazing and she deserves to be loved. Slutty Sally will bring you excitement, creativity, pleasure, laughter, sexiness and you will become the seducer. Slutty Sally will awaken your senses and activate your sexual glow!
LET HER OUT! ALLOW HER TO CO CREATE WITH YOU!LOVE HER! APPROVE OF HER! ACCEPT HER!
When it comes to sex it is all about our own personal sexual energy. We must take time and allow this energy to open up, expand and explore the depths of our sensual expression. Many past experiences can really trap this sexual energy and when our sexual energy becomes trapped we start feeling depressed, guilty, shameful, alone and rejected. When our sexual energy becomes small and almost non existent, we become bitter and we will create problems inside our marriage as well as problems in every other relationship of our life. I am not saying that we have to be sexually expressing ourselves 24/7, but I am saying if we allow ourselves to shut off and shut down then we will feel the same thing happen in our outside world. We will become shut off and then we will shut down.
Here are 5 things that will assist all of us in embracing our sexual side.
Sexual energy is absolutely amazing when it is flowing. Just the other day I felt orgasmic energy just from my husband placing his hand on top of my vulva. It was amazing and also a bit strange. I could have easily censored this but I didn't and it felt absolutely amazing. We deserve to feel amazing in the bedroom. We deserve to feel orgasmic energy. We deserve to feel safe, confident and secure in our sexual expression of who we are. We are all amazing and we all deserve to feel the sensual energy of satisfaction in the bedroom.
As I talk to women on a weekly basis I have noticed something that is so interesting to me...most women have a hard time saying the word Pussy! We have been taught that this is a bad word and it should never be used. We have heard the word pussy used in harsh ways and demeaning phrases. We must reclaim the pussy. Pussy is an absolutely beautiful word. Whisper it to yourself 5-10 times and you will feel the energy of aliveness. We have a Pussy, we are born with a Pussy, we came out of a Pussy and yet most can hardly say the word. Why? If we can't even say the word Pussy how are we possibly going to become connected to ourselves in a sexual way. Lets face it there are many different aspects of sex and sexuality but the Pussy is an important part. We can say she is the STAR of the show. Without the Pussy , the male penis can experience arousal and even orgasm but when the Pussy arrives with confidence and flare...the penis can feel her presence in a very powerful way. So as women we get to become really comfortable with the word Pussy as well as becoming more comfortable with the physical beauty our Pussy brings to the bedroom
We want to have a healthy emotional connection with our Pussy. Take some time and really become clear of any mental and/or emotional blocks that may have been adopted when it comes to your Pussy. We get to release any beliefs that have created a negative pattern and commit to creating new beliefs... positive powerful Pussy beliefs. The Pussy is a beautiful body part. The Pussy is AMAZING. The Pussy is something we as women should treasure as much as our men do. Men are absolutely fascinated with the Pussy. Men love the Pussy. Men want to be rubbing, touching, caressing and if at all possible have their penis parked inside the Pussy at all times. So your husband loves your Pussy and now it is time for you to love her as well. Here are a few exercises to become more connected and comfortable with the word Pussy as well as your actual Pussy.
1. Start using the word Pussy. You can do this silently. Just whisper the word. When you do you will feel her power and know that she is crying out to be loved and understood. Create a connection to your pussy. Tell her good morning and ask her what and how she is feeling.
2. Take care of your Pussy. Make sure you are taking care of her like the gem that she is. Make sure see is washed, shaved(if you like her shaved), polished and ready to be worshipped. Passion can happen at anytime and we want our Pussy to be the beauty she truly is.
3. Look at your Pussy . If you can not even look at your Pussy because you feel that she is not what you want her to be then this is creating a negative relationship to your Pussy. Look at how beautiful your Pussy is. Look just for 10 seconds and work your way up day by day until you become very comfortable with your Pussies beauty.
4. Do kegel exercises. This is tightening and releasing the muscles inside the Pussy aka the vagina . This will create orgasms that are more intense, a stronger healthier bladder, and a tighter space for your husbands penis pleasure. Start with 30 and then get so you are doing at least 100 a day...10 reps 10 times a day! You and your Pussy will be thanking you, maybe even screaming out in orgasmic pleasure....THANK YOU!
Commit to establishing a healthier relationship with your Pussy. You and your Pussy will be happier, healthier and more satisfied in and out of the bedroom.
For the women of today , it can become easy to fall into the trap of feeling like we are " built for his pleasure".
Men are very vocal about their wants and desires and their likes and dislikes. Men talk about their longing for the sensual feminine openly and boldly. Men comment on how sexy a woman's legs are or how beautiful her breasts are. Men love talking about what gets them excited sexually and its time for us girls to know that sensual pleasure is our birthright as well. We are not built just for his pleasure.
As women we deserve to connect to our inner yumminess. We are absolutely amazing . We are soft. We are gentle. We are bold. We are the givers and receivers of the world. We are strong. We are smart. We are beautiful. We are the energy of the divine feminine.
We are built for our own pleasure!
We are the sacred feminine. The beauty and power we hold goes so deep. We would all fall to the floor in amazement if we could truly connect to this divine source. We are pleasure centers just waiting to be discovered. We can be a turned on woman.
When I say a turned on woman, I am not saying that we just think about sex 24/7 and our pussies are always wet. I am saying that we come alive with our wants, desires and the beauty that we hold. We allow ourselves to feel 100% love for who we are and what we bring to the world with just our presence. We fall in love with the woman. Our bodies are alive and pulsing with sensual love and an open desire. We are sexual beings built to experience pure pleasure.
Allowing ourselves the ability to know that we are built to experience joy and happiness when we are naked is one of the most beautiful connections we can create. We are sensual beauties and our bodies, no matter what they look like, want us to love and appreciate them. Our bodies are crying out to us. They long to be touched softly, by our own hand, with beautiful thoughts and yummy love. Our bodies want to experience pleasure and joy. They want to be appreciated and cared for. They long to hear the words that uplift and support them. We get to awaken to the gentle touch of our shoulder, the soft feather stroke up and down our forearm and the lite tickle of our lower back. We get to love our bodies. They want us to experience pleasure and love.
We are built for pleasure!
Today, plan a time that you can show yourself, true love. Do something that is special and do it for yourself.
We all long for TRUE LOVE, the one person that can give you TRUE LOVE, is YOU!
Stop being at war with your body and allow her to be loved the way she deserves to be loved.
Pleasure is a birthright! The divine feminine is who we are! Start treating yourself like the amazing goddess you are!
Today has been 3 weeks since I had my breast implants removed. I had saline breast implants, over the muscle, 475 CC, for 10.5 years. I was a 34 DD and now I am a 34C. I wanted to share this journey as I have come to realize that a big part of the reason I had my implants put in was.... to protect my heart. Of course I also wanted to look super hot with big, nice, fully rounded beautiful boobs but as I am healing I know that I choose to get breast implants to guard my heart. They were like the security guard that stands at the entrance of the club deciding who gets in and who must wait in line. The interesting thing about these guards were they wouldn't allow anyone to leave either.
I use this analogy as I have always felt trapped, stuck and unable to expand inside my own greatness. Almost as if anytime I expanded I would hit up against something hard and solid, something that would not allow me to give love to the fullest or receive love to the fullest.
This something was my breast implants.
I absolutely believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. So this experience has been life transforming for me. It has shifted my beliefs and awakened me to the powerful woman I am with or without super hooters.
I started asking myself questions. Questions such as...
Why did I want Implants? What did they do for me? How did they enhance my life? Did they bring me joy? Who enjoyed them the most? Could they have been creating a disconnect on me fully receiving and/or giving love?
Here are a few answers that I know I must share
Did they bring me joy?
Joy is found in the eye of the beholder. We choose to be in our joyous energy or we choose not to be, so the way we look may shift that feeling momentarily but it will not transform our deepest beliefs about ourselves. I admit I loved the way I looked in my little black dress and I really enjoyed flashing my husband, because I know he enjoyed the view but did they bring me joy... I would have to say no!
Who enjoyed them most?
I asked myself this question because I wanted to know if they were creating a disconnect in me receiving the full amount of connection when it came to my husband. My husband is a very touchy guy ( I truly am blessed that after 16.5 years together he still loves touching me) but when he would touch my breast there was some running dialogue that sounded something like this. " He loves my breast cause they are huge and fake, He loves big boobs and I am so happy that I have these fake boobs, He is turned on by me because I have big breasts". This was something that ran in my brain sometimes, not all the time but it caused me some distain for my husband. It was never his fault. He just wanted to enjoy my body and touch my breast and to do that he had to caress the breast implant as well. So in a way my breast implants were creating a disconnect for me when it came to my husband caressing my breast. I experienced many different emotions and some of them were sadness, anger, guilt, shame, rejection and hatred. Sometimes I felt this way towards my husband and sometimes all these emotions were internalized.
Could they have been creating a disconnect on me fully receiving and/or giving love? Where they guarding my heart?
For me this was the most important and the deepest question I could ask myself. Did I get breast implants because I did not feel safe in the world and I wanted my heart to be protected? The answer to this didn't shock me. I knew the answer the moment I asked myself the question. I HAD BREAST IMPLANTS TO PROTECT MY HEART! THE LOOK WAS NICE BUT THE REAL, HONEST TO GOODNESS REASON I GOT THEM WAS... TO GUARD MY HEART! I received my breast implants at a very vulnerable time in my life. My whole life I lived in some state of fear, unless drugs or alcohol were involved. I now know why I loved doing drugs, it shuts off the fear response. I have been drug free for 16 years but I still lived in a constant state of some type of fear. This fear was silent but it made its presence very clear.
I wanted to share my story on this blog because breast implants may be causing you to feel disconnected when it comes to a heart to heart connection. They may also be keeping you trapped inside so you can never fully express all the glitter and shine you have to offer.
After receiving my breast implants I always felt like a part of me, a super powerful part of me was being suppressed. I tried so many things and I know they all served me in some way but the best thing I did was get my breast implants removed.
I can feel a love that I knew was there but I could never fully grasp. My implants have been out for 3 weeks and I know a part of me has awakened that I have been longing for.
This may not be the case in every breast implant story but it was for me.
So if you have breast implants or are thinking about getting them, ask yourself...
Do I really want my heart guarded by a security guard that I have no control over?
Breast implants are a foreign object and our body will always feel a bit off when we are not living in our natural state of being. I never realized how tired my breast implants were making me. I am full of abundant energy now and I feel a deep sense of peace .
We all want to have amazing sexual experiences and an out of this world sexual connection with our spouse, so maybe if you have breast implants, its time to release them from your body and allow your heart to truly shine!
Have I been feeling sexual shame inside my marriage?
Have I been projecting my insecurities about my sexual self onto my husband?
Have I blocked myself from receiving passion and pleasure?
Have I shut down my sexual yumminess?
In marriage these are all amazing questions to ask ourselves. We all want to be sexually satisfied. The bedroom is the couples playground where we can express our wants, desires, emotions and receive so much joy and pleasure.
Have we been cutting ourselves off from this delicious passion that can fill up our minds, bodies and souls?
I am experiencing a new kind of sex. A sex that is so energetically connected that I can feel burst of orgasmic energy coming through me. I can feel it deep inside my soul. I can experience pleasure that I never thought I could. This pleasure is so beautiful and life transforming.
We deserve to stop shaming our genitals and fall in love with them again. The pussy and the penis are similar to a lock and key. The penis is the key. He holds power, honor and a deep longing to penetrate. He holds the ability to open the box that holds all the treasures. The pussy is the lock. She wants to be caressed, cared for, understood and she longs to be penetrated. She holds the ability to receive, transform and transfer sexual energy back and forth from the feminine to the masculine and from the masculine to the feminine.
Sex is so much more then most of us ever experience. Some of the reasons we may not be receiving all the sexual pleasure we deserve are from the questions I asked above.
If there is sexual shame inside the marriage, then allowing ourselves to be open and vulnerable will never happen. When there is sexual shame then we are in a defensive mode and we are just trying to guard and protect. We are like a double agent. We long for pleasure but there is no way in hell that we are going to allow ourselves to feel. Sexual shame will shut us off from the most amazing of connections. The sensations that we can feel inside our bodies when we are truly connected to our sexual energy is out of this world awesome. We deserve to work through our sexual shame. We deserve to climb the mountain of pain, shame, guilt and sadness so we can get to the top and receive feelings of passion, pleasure, happiness and joy. We deserve to feel this orgasmic energy that is absolutely palpable even when your not having sex. Releasing the shame is the best thing we can do for ourselves. Releasing the shame is the best thing we can do for our spouse. Releasing the shame is the best thing we can do for our bedroom and releasing the shame is the most amazing thing you can do for your pussy and or penis.
I believe that our wedding vows should include the promise to be dedicated to create the best sexual connection a husband and wife can have inside the bedroom. Sex is so special and can create a link between a man and a woman that is electric and sensational. An energy that is felt in and out of the bedroom. A bond that is so beautiful and so satisfying.
Sex is extremely powerful and has the capability of completely transforming our marriage. We must decide, commit and succeed when it comes to sensations, satisfying sex inside our marriage. As a husband and a wife, sex should always be something you are working on together. How to connect on a deeper more intimate level. Lets all commit to becoming sexually awakened inside our marriage so we can transform the level we connect on. Intimacy creates a deep connection.
Choose to breakthrough the shame, pain and guilt. Choose to reawaken your passion, pleasure and playfulness inside the bedroom.
Do you feel a deep love for your husband?
Do you feel a desire to hold him and tell him everything is going to be okay?
Are you showing up for your husband with compassion, caring and kindness?
Are you allowing yourself to be pleased with him?
I feel that men get overlooked so easily when it comes to relationships. Men have deep emotional needs just like us women do. They may shut down easier or push their desires aside but they long for love, approval and acceptance. Men actually long for this emotional connection with their wife. She has the power to make him feel as thou he is on the top of the world, arriving full of confidence, power and passion. She too has the power to make him feel as small and worthless as a tiny grain of sand. Men want to feel needed, wanted, cared for and approved of. Men long for unconditional love, a great sexual connection and a satisfied wife. This is what he is built for. His natural instinct is to please.
I know that this may not feel like the case. It may feel more like he is constantly withdrawing and retreating. It may feel like he is shutting us out and living in his own reality. It may feel like he is there but not there.
To him, this is the way he copes with the feeling of disappointing his queen.
So lets start rebuilding the relationship between husband and wife.
Here are a few things that I have found that allows my man to feel loved and approved of. Some are super easy and some are creating a more vulnerable experience.
Take time and show up for your man. I promise you will both be pleased with the results
Have you ever heard of an energy orgasm?
I have heard and witnessed some videos on YouTube showing people experiencing an energy orgasm. During this experience the woman is not physically touched. Her partner is just taking his hands and gently moving the energy around her body. This takes place for 5-15 minutes and these woman are having an orgasm. WOW!!!
I believe that we are beings that can feel great pleasure if we allow ourselves to.
Soft, Slow and Sensual!
We get to decide how to expand our own sexual energy. For the longest time I HATED a soft , gentle touch. I wanted to feel pressure when my husband was caressing me. I didn't want his fingertips to softly glide up and down my body. I want his fingertips to dig in a bit. I wanted to feel his hunger for me not his softness.
I was lying to myself
I craved his soft, slow, sensual touch.
I craved the deep connection that gets created with soft, slow, gentle movements.
I craved slowing down and being fully present in my body. I craved feeling his wants, needs and desires while allowing him to penetrate me on an emotional level.
Sex is energy. If we do not allow ourselves to open up and feel the sensations we are experiencing during our intimate moments as well as the not so intimate moments we will cut ourselves off from the deepest of sexual pleasures.
I am practicing being fully present with the sensations in my body. If these sensations are full of love and light, I allow myself to feel them. If these sensations are full of hate and darkness, I allow myself to feel them. If these sensations are full of happiness and peace, I allow myself to feel them. If these sensations are full of sadness and despair, I allow myself to feel them.
We must dedicate ourselves to feeling all the sensations inside of our bodies. When we do this we can start feeling on a deeper level. When we tap into this deeper level, energy orgasms are something that we can all experience.
My husband has softly caressed my leg and up my inner thigh and I feel this sensation of orgasm. It is not this intense orgasmic feeling but this soft, expanding orgasmic feeling in my body.
We all deserve to expand our sexual energy. We must feel all the sensations inside our bodies and become keenly aware of our sexual sense. Maybe this is our 6th sense?
Open your mind, body and soul into the realm of sexual awareness. Our marriages deserve it!
Here's a thought I was having today...Does my husband love my pussy more than I do? And if so then maybe that is why I feel angry with him at times. I want to love my pussy. I want to love her in all her beauty and all her glory. She is truly a goddess. I believe the relationship I have with my pussy directly affects my relationship in life.
She is a powerhouse of love and pleasure. She both gives and receives. She can transform any energy into something absolutely amazing and she can be soft and gentle or she can be fierce and fabulous. My pussy has immense power and yet I have shunned her most of my life.
WHY??? Why have I been shunning her?
In a society that is over sexualized and under sexually satisfied I created some deep beliefs about my pussy.
She should remain hidden and unexplored. She is not to be let out and never fully explored. She should show up for work but she should never go out of her way to exceed expectations. She should remain quiet and calm. She should be seen but not felt. She should be a good little pussy who minds her business and stays out of trouble.
My husband feels the exact opposite when it comes to my pussy. He absolutely loves and adores her. He puts her on a pedestal. He loves to touch her. He loves to taste her. He loves to be close to her. He longs for her. He dreams about her. He longs to discover her wants and desires. He wants her to come out and play whenever she can. He is extremely excited when he gets to see my pussy. Its like his little treasure chest and he truly values it in a deep way.
This could be creating a disconnect when it comes to my marriage.
We have all heard the statement " If you can't beat him, join him.
So I am on a mission to fully love my pussy. She is truly a gem and I am so excited that I get to create an amazing relationship with her.
My pussy longs to feel loved and accepted by me. She longs to be seen and valued for all that she is. She wants a deep connection with me. She wants to serve me and give me all the pleasure I desire in life. She deserves only the best. She deserve for me to open my heart, mind and soul and to fully show up in life.
My pussy is not pandoras box. She screams out to me that she wants to be open. She wants to receive. She wants to give. She wants to exceed expectations. She wants to be seen and felt. She wants to be a pussy that is fully enjoyed and appreciated for all that she is.
I no longer choose to shun my pussy. I choose to love her. I choose to value her. I choose to cherish her. I choose to honor her. I choose to embrace her. I choose to trust her. I choose to allow her all the pleasure she deserves.
As a married woman if I’m not having the sex that I want then I’m not taking responsibility for my sex.It’s my sex and I am responsible for the sex I want to have. If I’m blaming my partner for the sex we are having or blaming him cuz he always wants to have sex then I’m not taking responsibility for my sex.
Chances are if you don’t have a desire for sex then you aren’t having the sex you want.
Is your sex like a track? Do you follow the track and have sex the same way every time?
If you’re having sex the same way that you’ve had for years your not growing in your sex.
Sex changes and expands just like our emotions and bodies. It doesn’t stay stagnant. Sex is like any other thing that we grow in.
One of the first steps in taking responsibility for your sex is asking for what you want. If you don’t know what you want spend some time writing out your desires. Just knowing that you want something different is the first step. You may want more emotional connection with your partner. You may want different sexual acts. You may want more attention and time during sex. The attention and energy you put into feeling what you want is a powerful shift. Be specific when you are writing. This will help you in sharing with your partner what you want.
Maybe you want something like a bath. I want you to clean out the tub so it’s sparkly clean. I want the the bath water to be half full. I want the water to be hot to the touch. More on the hotter side than the colder side. I want a cup of epson salt. I want lavender oil, 3 drops. I want a candle at each corner of the tub. I want a folded towel laid on the counter for when I get out. I want you to slowing wash my body. I want you to trace my skin with your eyes. I want you to notice every part of my body. I want you to notice the way my breasts lay on my chest. I want to feel your hands enjoy my curves and folds. I want you to keep your attention on me and notice how I’m feeling. I want to guide your touch as it moves across the canvas of my body. I want to feel your slow gentle touch caress my body over and over again. I want you watch my body get turned on by your attention. I want you to listen to my pleasurable moans and respond.
If your thoughts are. He’ll just laugh. There’s no way he’ll have his fingers inside my pussy in 2 minutes and want to bang away. He’ll get so turned on he won’t be able to stay with what I want . This is the part where you have to work with your mind. Write out all your fears before you talk to him. Clear out the fear so you can share from a place of desire.
Then next step is sharing with your partner. Start by sharing one thing and work on that. Don’t share your desire like a bomb and run if he has questions. Stay with your desire. Stay connected all the way through.
The next step is teaching you partner step by step what you like. Giving adjustments to where the spot is. Slowing him down.Redirecting him with patience. He wants to get it right. It can be deeply vulnerable. For a man that vulnerability can look like laughing, getting frustrated or feeling so vulnerable he gets angry.
That’s all part of the intimacy for you to work through. You don’t avoid the situation so you can avoid the feelings.This is the work of being responsible for your sex. It can feel messy. It can feel awkward and its deeply vulnerable.
This is the part where you stay connected. Working together with your partner to figure it out.
Sometimes it means having awkward sex when things have changed and you are finding your way again. This is apart of sex and intimacy.
No attempts in more intimacy is ever wasted even if it’s the worst sex you’ve had so far. If you want something different you have to do the work to have it differently. Vulnerability, connection and intimacy is the work.
Author: Jeni Zanotelli
As a life coach I’m in service to your liberation and your freedom. Freedom of your soul, freedom of your sex and freedom of your voice.