Today has been 3 weeks since I had my breast implants removed. I had saline breast implants, over the muscle, 475 CC, for 10.5 years. I was a 34 DD and now I am a 34C. I wanted to share this journey as I have come to realize that a big part of the reason I had my implants put in was.... to protect my heart. Of course I also wanted to look super hot with big, nice, fully rounded beautiful boobs but as I am healing I know that I choose to get breast implants to guard my heart. They were like the security guard that stands at the entrance of the club deciding who gets in and who must wait in line. The interesting thing about these guards were they wouldn't allow anyone to leave either.
I use this analogy as I have always felt trapped, stuck and unable to expand inside my own greatness. Almost as if anytime I expanded I would hit up against something hard and solid, something that would not allow me to give love to the fullest or receive love to the fullest.
This something was my breast implants.
I absolutely believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. So this experience has been life transforming for me. It has shifted my beliefs and awakened me to the powerful woman I am with or without super hooters.
I started asking myself questions. Questions such as...
Why did I want Implants? What did they do for me? How did they enhance my life? Did they bring me joy? Who enjoyed them the most? Could they have been creating a disconnect on me fully receiving and/or giving love?
Here are a few answers that I know I must share
Did they bring me joy?
Joy is found in the eye of the beholder. We choose to be in our joyous energy or we choose not to be, so the way we look may shift that feeling momentarily but it will not transform our deepest beliefs about ourselves. I admit I loved the way I looked in my little black dress and I really enjoyed flashing my husband, because I know he enjoyed the view but did they bring me joy... I would have to say no!
Who enjoyed them most?
I asked myself this question because I wanted to know if they were creating a disconnect in me receiving the full amount of connection when it came to my husband. My husband is a very touchy guy ( I truly am blessed that after 16.5 years together he still loves touching me) but when he would touch my breast there was some running dialogue that sounded something like this. " He loves my breast cause they are huge and fake, He loves big boobs and I am so happy that I have these fake boobs, He is turned on by me because I have big breasts". This was something that ran in my brain sometimes, not all the time but it caused me some distain for my husband. It was never his fault. He just wanted to enjoy my body and touch my breast and to do that he had to caress the breast implant as well. So in a way my breast implants were creating a disconnect for me when it came to my husband caressing my breast. I experienced many different emotions and some of them were sadness, anger, guilt, shame, rejection and hatred. Sometimes I felt this way towards my husband and sometimes all these emotions were internalized.
Could they have been creating a disconnect on me fully receiving and/or giving love? Where they guarding my heart?
For me this was the most important and the deepest question I could ask myself. Did I get breast implants because I did not feel safe in the world and I wanted my heart to be protected? The answer to this didn't shock me. I knew the answer the moment I asked myself the question. I HAD BREAST IMPLANTS TO PROTECT MY HEART! THE LOOK WAS NICE BUT THE REAL, HONEST TO GOODNESS REASON I GOT THEM WAS... TO GUARD MY HEART! I received my breast implants at a very vulnerable time in my life. My whole life I lived in some state of fear, unless drugs or alcohol were involved. I now know why I loved doing drugs, it shuts off the fear response. I have been drug free for 16 years but I still lived in a constant state of some type of fear. This fear was silent but it made its presence very clear.
I wanted to share my story on this blog because breast implants may be causing you to feel disconnected when it comes to a heart to heart connection. They may also be keeping you trapped inside so you can never fully express all the glitter and shine you have to offer.
After receiving my breast implants I always felt like a part of me, a super powerful part of me was being suppressed. I tried so many things and I know they all served me in some way but the best thing I did was get my breast implants removed.
I can feel a love that I knew was there but I could never fully grasp. My implants have been out for 3 weeks and I know a part of me has awakened that I have been longing for.
This may not be the case in every breast implant story but it was for me.
So if you have breast implants or are thinking about getting them, ask yourself...
Do I really want my heart guarded by a security guard that I have no control over?
Breast implants are a foreign object and our body will always feel a bit off when we are not living in our natural state of being. I never realized how tired my breast implants were making me. I am full of abundant energy now and I feel a deep sense of peace .
We all want to have amazing sexual experiences and an out of this world sexual connection with our spouse, so maybe if you have breast implants, its time to release them from your body and allow your heart to truly shine!