Today I wanted to ask you to take some time to answer some very personal questions.
1~ Where did you learn about sex?
2~ Was sex something that was a positive thing or was it a negative thing?
3~ Did you feel comfortable expressing yourself sexually?
4~ How did you decide to be sexual?
5~ Why did you choose to have sex for the first time?
6~ How did you feel when you watched another person express their sexual wants and desires?
7~ How did your parents respond to you becoming a sexual being?
When we are growing up our parents assist us so much in life. They teach us how to walk. They teach us how to talk.
They teach us how to say the alphabet and how to sing itsy bitsy spider. They love us and they support us. They watch us grow through school. They watch us become our own person. They support our goals and encourage our dreams. They help us when we fall and cheer for us as we brave this storm we call life. Parents are absolutely amazing. They teach, guide and love us on our own personal journey of self expression and self acceptance.
Then one evening as we are getting ready for a girls night out, we hear things like " That top is to tight, those shorts are to short, you are wearing to much makeup, are you looking for every mans attention, and we notice something. We notice the judgment , the guilt, the shame and the embarrassment of our parents noticing this sexual being standing in front of them.
Sex is absolutely amazing and terrifying at the exact same time. Some parents may have had an excellent dialogue with their children about their sexual awakening but for most of us our sexual awakening activated so much pain, fear and shame inside our parents. Then our parents doing what they thought was best projected all their sexual guilt and worry onto us. So by asking yourself these questions and taking time to answer them will really assist us in releasing beliefs that no longer serve us in our marriage.
We want to be able to awaken slutty sally and feel empowered doing so, not ashamed. A confident, sext, sexual woman is one of the most beautiful things in this world. We are all carrying around this wounded inner child. We get to help her heal. We get to love and accept her. We get to embrace her and tell her that the world is safe and her sexuality can be expressed. Marriage is amazing but it will DIE without great sex. If we are not having great sex or any sex then we are living with a friend.
Sex will awaken some deep hidden pain. If we choose to face that pain and lean into it, I promise when you come out the other side, it is worth it.
Ask yourself the 7 questions above and answer them. Answer them with an open heart and a loving spirit.
I have shared my answers below to each question hoping it will assist you in answering these with no judgment.
1~ Where did I learn about sex?
I grow up in a household of boys and I was the only girl and the youngest. I would watch my brothers talk so openly about their wants and desires. I would see them looking at sexy magazines and hear them talk to one another. I would also hear the kind of music they listened to. Bands like Naughty by Nature and Too Short. I know my brothers never thought that they were influencing me but they were and this was a huge part of where I learned about sex. I also had friends that had porn and we would get together and watch them. I was disgusted and intrigued at the same time.
2~ Was sex something that was a positive thing or a negative thing?
It was a very negative thing when I was growing up. My parents never talked to me about it much and once time in 9th grade I kissed my boyfriend in front of my mom, with tongue, and she was furious with me. I felt so much shame and so much guilt. I always had a strong desire for sexual connection. I loved kissing and making out. I had so many sexual thoughts and dreams, but I always experienced guilt and shame. Sex was definitely a negative thing for me.
3~ Did I feel comfortable expressing myself sexually?
I loved expressing my sexual energy. I wore short shorts and tight tops all the time. I loved being wild and crazy.
I loved being sexual but I never felt comfortable. I always felt like I was doing something shameful and bad. My sexual energy was something I loved and hated at the same time. I knew boys would love my sexual side so I used it to get approval from them but I was not comfortable with my sexuality I was more troubled with my sexuality.
4~ How did I decide to be sexual?
I was born with sexual energy...anyway that's how I feel. I have always been drawn to sexual things. Magazines, movies, music and some people. I was attracted to girls and boys. I remember playing house with a friend and I was the husband. As we pretended to go to bed for the night and went down on her. That was my very first sexual experience that I choose to take part in.
5~ Why did I choose to have sex for the first time?
I choose to have sex for the first time because I felt as thou I really loved my boyfriend. We did end up staying together for 2 years and I have no regrets when it comes to sharing myself with him.
6~ How do I feel when I watch another person express themselves sexually?
Wow, this one has so many answers. I feel excited and embarrassed. I feel awakened and like I want to hid at the same time. I feel love and I feel judgment. I feel insecure and self conscious. I feel alive and nervous. I feel ashamed and I feel like I may learn something. I feel both the light and the dark inside activate. It comes with such duality that it has been something I have been working on for years now.
7~ I already addressed this in my blog.
These answers can really bring light to your sexual wants, desires and beliefs. For us to awaken to the sexual beings that we are we must shine a light on places we have choose to keep dark.
Don't judge, blame or shame anyone or anything. Just notice what comes up and release it.
We must release
We must forgive
We must awaken our sexual selves and know that we are adults now ,who can choose to be empowered and pleasured inside our sexual energy. There is no need to hid or shrink. There is only a need to expand and explore.
Here is to becoming a woman of love, light and sexual yumminess!